We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
