I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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