He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
