it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize