if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
