i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
