Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
