I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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