I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
