Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
