do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
