She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
