OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
