I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A bitchslap is in order.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
