you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
