glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
