I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
