On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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