is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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