I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
