I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
