tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize