She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize