I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
