Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
