i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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