Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
