u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
