either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
