I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
