i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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