i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Watching her eat just hurts me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
