I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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