She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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