well you can't waste a boner
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
