My hand turned me down
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
