Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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