whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
