Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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