Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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