do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
