Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
