I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize