I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
