and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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