you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
