I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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