I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
