I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
