the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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