I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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