You're so nebulous sometimes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
