do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
