I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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