I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will exercising make me less horny?
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