I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
