Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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