About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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