Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Mom said you looked used
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
