fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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