I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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