Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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