my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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