White coat. Heels.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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