I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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