Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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