What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
