Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
