When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
