It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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