I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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