These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
