just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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