C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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