We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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