the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
